I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You can't special order awesome
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Pants are for mortals
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
