just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
