You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
