She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
