if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
