Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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