Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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