If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
