walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
