he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
