If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
