you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
