I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
