Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
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I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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