he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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