Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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