not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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