I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
