I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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