I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
