I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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