So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
