mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
