I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
