3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
