This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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