Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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