remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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