i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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