why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
