wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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