No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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