I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
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There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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