Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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