So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
