three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
