and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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