franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
