i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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