HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
