so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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