I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
