Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
