Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
