The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so explain again why im purple
no
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
