Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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