I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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