and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
