All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
