Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
