I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
