oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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