did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
