If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
