i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize