and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
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