The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
