I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
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Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
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Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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