Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
