What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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