can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
