when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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