she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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