She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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