i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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