why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
