I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
time to smoke my breakfast
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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