can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
