she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
