Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
