this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
