I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
