oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
