Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
