We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
