On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
