Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
